GideonAdams

Think anyone would ever pay to read short stories? If so, how much? 25 cents per story? 50 cents, maybe? Some new authors who want to get a fan-base sell their novels for only a dollar, which if you compare stories by length, my short stories might only be worth about 10 cents. But I have to make SOMETHING. Please comment and let me know what you think.

Perhaps no one will ever read this, but at least I will have it here as a record for myself. But in the event that others do stumble across it, it is my hope that they will be encouraged by it just as I was.

Lately it seems that God has been whispering words of encouragement into my heart, which believe me, it is something I greatly need. I think He is doing this because I've had so many changes take place in my life over the last three months. My life has been utterly and completely turned upside down. I attend Kennesaw State University in Metropolitan Atlanta, and my major for the last 6 (yes, SIX) years has been Computer Science. I love computers. I love them very, very much. Other than my beautiful girlfriend, there is nothing sexier to me than a glowing, space-heating, power-bill-birthing gaming computer. I love the sheer electronic power a state of the art PC can demonstrate. My mouth waters every time I set foot into Micro-center. Gosh, what a sexy store. And I especially love it when a gaming computer has a plastic window in its case, you know, so you can peer inside and gawk covetously over all those beautiful, BEAUTIFUL components (which of course must be illuminated by LED lights). When I see Starcraft 2 being played, this beastly machine will absolutely piss out graphics on Extreme quality (yes, that setting does exist. it's the one above ultra). Oh, and don't forget the tri-display. Can't forget the tri-display. And that home theater sound system! Okay, I'm done.

Anyway, so for the last six years, perhaps even longer, computers have been my passion. But unfortunately I'm not good at computers. I mean sure, I can build one. I can build that fancy looking nocturnal-emission-bot (sorry if that was too crude). But I can't program. I can't network. And at KSU, where every professor's ultimate goal is to make your life miserable, I can't keep up. When other students merely struggle, I fail.

So I changed my major to History with a concentration in World History. I'm good at History. I like it, and I can spit it back out really well. So I hereby welcome myself to the ranks of the future unemployed.

I have also been living on my own for the last two years, which I was very proud of. It made me feel like a man to have my own apartment near campus, and I loved the level of control I had concerning my living environment. But the rent went up while the finances went down, so back home I went. It felt as though the progress of my life was taking a step backwards. This happened back in August. I still get sad whenever I have to drive by my old place.

Those two things - the moving and changing of majors - they were very big things for me. At first they were heart-crushing, sending me reeling in the hopeless feeling of defeat, but now I'm more settled into the mid-echelons of something that can only be described as a cold mixture between apathy and extraordinary attention deficit disorder (it helps me cope).

But I want the reader to know something very important about all this. I am a Christian. My life is in God's hands, and He will never ever let go. Those emotions I just described are difficult to be helped. They really are. As a man, defeat is something I take very sorely and personally, so there will be times when I feel down like this.

But God has had a marvelous plan for me since before eternity began. I know this every single day because all those moments that I feel discouraged He NEVER fails to whisper hope into my ears. I am also highly suspicious that He speaks to my subconscious while I sleep in ways that, although I don't remember directly, help me heal. He has been amazingly good to me. Look at all these fantastic blessings He's given me:

-I have a wonderful family that loves me in a way remarkably similar to God's love.

-My dad just gave me his 2007 Dodge Ram. That is my dream truck, and although he did give it to me for practical reasons (and he does have another truck), I still know it was because he loves me. I didn't deserve that from him. I could never pay either of my parents back for the things they've done for me over the years. I'll never forget the smile he had on his face when he handed me the keys.

-Money isn't so tight now that I live at home.

-God is blessing my writing.

-I was able to snag Windows 8 before they took me off the free software roster for Computer Science students at school (like a boss).

-I have a good job and a great boss.

Of course there are many other things that God has blessed me with, but I just don't have time to list them here. And you probably would get bored reading them, and I'd really like it if you'd stick around to the part where I tell you what God showed me.

WHAT GOD SHOWED ME:

You know how you can feel nostalgic whenever you look back on almost any of the time periods from your past? I've noticed that it happens almost every single time, even if the flavor of my life tasted bitter to me back then. Doctors say there's a biological reason for it - that thinking of the "good ol' days" helps us deal with the stress of the present. I am inclined to agree, but I think there is a little more to it than that. I think it is also because if you could relive those memories, you'd at least have a solid idea of whether or not your future is secure. Hey, for what it's worth, you'd know you won't die at least until the present. That's a kind of security, right? Well I look back and the memories seem happier than they actually were (I remember how I felt back then). They feel happier, regardless of how my emotions really were at the time.

Well I was thinking about all this - you know, how happy my memories seem - and then immediately I had a sense of fear for the future. I found myself scared for my country, my future job, the well-being of my future family, and I'll even venture to go as far as to say that to an extent I feared for my life. The outlook seemed gloomy at best, and as usual sadness took hold of me. But then I felt a whisper in my heart that said very clearly, "You don't need to fear anything or see your future as gloomy. Do you think the future I have planned for you will be gloomy and sad? That's not what I want for my children. I constantly embrace you to give you strength and healing, and to enrich your life in ways that bring you purpose and fulfillment. You cannot comprehend the love I have for you. With that love, it never suits you to feel abandoned or in despair. Remember your favorite verse: For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Man it is good to hear His voice.

Don't you hate it when you take a leak, put your goods away, let it all fall into place - only to discover that you weren't quite finished yet? Then you got rewarded with a little bit of that warm wet feeling trickling down one of your legs. It's not enough to make it look like you've pissed yourself, thankfully, but it is enough to make you feel uncomfortable (and probably a great deal stupid too).

Or maybe I'm just turning into an old man?